p160 #1 and #9

1. Part 1 The first sentence does a good job describing the situation and why it's happening; but doesn't necessarily need the "if they so choose" at the end. It's kind of cliche. Sentence two is short and precise with detail about the ad; it's not necessary though. Sentence three states what it wants; but it does it in a way that sounds demanding by saying "we need". The questions asked are all necessary to get across what the sender wants. Even though some could be worded differently, they are all needed to assess the tone in which the sender is showing and needs the information.
The first sentence of the next paragraph shows the tone at which the sender needs the information; but also sounds demanding and it doesn't need to reiterate that he or she already said something. The receiver knows what was sent. Sentence two is unnecessary information, the receiver doesn't care about this. Sentence three once again shows the sense of urgency; also sounds threatening. Shouldn't put in the part about looking at other companies.

Part 2
Our college is closing its dining hall due to financial reasons, so we want to do something to help the students prepare their own food in their dorm rooms. Your colorful ad from Collegiate Magazine caught our eye and we thought your ad could be the one to help us. If possible, we would like to know the following before we make our decision:
1. Would you be able to ship the microwaves by August 15th? I realize this is short notice, but our board of trustees just made the decision to close the dining hall last week and we are doing our best to meet the needs of the students.
2. Do the microwaves have any kind of warranty?
3. How much do the microwaves cost? Are there any bulk order discounts?
4. Do we have to provide a special outlet?
5. Will students know how to use them, are instructions included?
We are on a tight time frame and need good information from you as soon as possible to help us in our decision making. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you

9.
5493 Beechwood Drive
Trenton, N.J. 08608
April 12, 2009

Florida Resort Bureau
1555 Palm Beach Lake Boulevard
West Palm Beach, FL 33401

Subject: Resort Information

Dear Sir:

My wife and I are planning a late September vacation with our two teenage children and I would greatly appreciate it if you could send me some brochures of resorts in Florida. My family and I enjoy the beach and the golf course, but we also want to be near night entertainment suitalbe for the whole family. I am particularly interested in resort areas that have public transportation available; my family may want to participate in activities away from the resort.

In addition to the brochures, it would be a great help if you could please include the following information in the packet:
1. Which resorts are near large cities?
2. Which are reached by public transportation?
3. Which have attractions for teenagers?
4. Do off-season rates include all the amenities?
5. Weather in Florida during September?
6. Who should I contact for concert schedules during our vacation?

I appreciate the informative article about Florida Resorts in the April 2009 issue of the Smithsonian magazine. I hope this letter doesn't seem to overwhelming, but I just want my family and I to have the best possible vacation we can in Florida. If at all possible, I would like to look over the brochures and information by mid June so I can begin to book a place to stay.

Thank You

Frank C. Atlas